I saw this video by Planetshakers, Beautiful Saviour.

“I will sing forever, Jesus I love You, Jesus I love You!”

Somehow it just stuck in my mind again. When God wrote my life, when He planned it, He specifically thought, woven me with a set of things that I form I am. He said, “I will give him this brown colour, brown eyes, straight hair. I will give him a smart brain that he can study in Singapore one day. I will implant in him a heart that is sensitive, moved by his circumstances, and full of compassion to Me. He will meet a girl that inspires him to sing and somehow get close to Me. He will have a voice that glorifies My Name. He will get so drawn by something called music, and anything that has tone and beats, in whatever shape is that. He will write song, after song, after song, after song ... “ and the list continues.

Once again I dedicate my life to the One who created me, to do what I am created for. To live the life that I should live.

Maybe I even have forgotten the meaning of those words, these days. When I got those words, I only said amen.

Aku uda lupa gimana rasanya promosi, mendapatkan sesuatu yg lebih baik dari apa yg pernah diterima seblumnya. To be exact, I never hope so, at least in my work. My hope lies elsewhere. Barusan dapet kabar minggu kemarin dari manager. Bakalan dapet bonus and increment mulai Januari. Walaupun ga pernah ngeh, ga pernah gitu pikirin, waktu dapet, =D. Makasih Tuhan. Tuhan Baik. Tuhan masi baik banget, buat kasi promosi, multiplikasi. Benernya ga banyak, Cuma benernya company jg lagi minus, ga bisa berharap banyak. Yg lebih mengherankan incrementnya. Tuhan baik.

just yesterday I felt that she's so distant. Maybe avoiding me? No idea. I saw her today, but everything seemed to be fine. Talked to my best friend earlier and I was thinking to talk to her, but maybe I just have to change the plan.

Maybe I just cant hold it when I see her.
Maybe I need to admit that I really like her? Or love her?

-ceka

The world on my shoulder?

A lot of times I felt that way. In my work, when something is to be done, some wrong is to made right, or maybe in ministry, when the team is not performing well, people are not disciplined, or when the service is going bad, it feels that everything fall on my shoulder. I think, work hard to handle the situation, and often too stressed.

I remembered many times, and still forgot a few times, to let go. Not to let everything haywire, but to let go the burden. In fact, most of the time those burdens do not belong to me alone and I do not have to bear that all this time.

Matthew 11:28-30 (New International Version)

   28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

I just got that from my pastor today. Two oxen brings a yoke. When God said that to us, it is not that he put the yoke upon us and leave us. I am at one side and He is the other side. Together we will walk, work, talk. And along the way I will learn from him, and I will find my rest.

Phuihh..

Belakangan ini beneran udah cape banget ama kerja. Well bukan ama kerja tepatnya, tapi ama boss nya. Smakin lama kayaknya tambah parah aja. Semua yg dikerjain jadi salah. Ga bisa sama sekali ikutin apa yg dia bilang. Pagi ini parah. I did forgot some things. I guess it is quite normal that people forget. Cuma, cara dia ngomong, seperti seluruh dunia bakalan runtuh karena aku lupa something. Kayak ini satu2 nya alasan kenapa kita decide ini, gimana bisa lupa? Padahal aku tau ada banyak pertimbangan kenapa kita dulu decide itu. Sampah. Mbencekno banget dah. Susah banget buat gimana caranya bisa bener buat dia. Uda gitu kalo ngomong udah pake neken, mayan gitu de. Udah gitu aga naek nadanya. I really want to be above this. Ini dimana aku musti beneran bisa hadepin orang yg kayak gini. Masi ga tau gimana caranya sekarang. Dalem kerja pasti belajar gimana process, gimana musti kerjain ini kerjain itu. I have been trying to do that in the last 1 year. Hasil? Aga meragukan. Kemarin dia bisa bilang gini, skarnag bilang gitu, gimana mo diikutin? Dan beneran ga jelas, semua yg dilakuin bisa aja salah. Parah. Anything can be wrong, and I will be the one that is wrong. Kerjain something, propose something, jawaban yg dikasi that is wrong... it should be this way, while I followed what was drawn by him earlier. Frustrated. Ga ngerti mo ngapain lagi. Gimana supaya bisa bner.

Well, for me, not so many choices. Uda interview ga tau berapa banyak, all no news. Ga ada kabar ama skali. Bisa ngapain kalo udah gitu. I guess I will still have to stay. Just be above it.

⁹But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and ^[b]show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may ^[c]pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!

2 Cor 12:9

This has been too much. So I decided to ignore my work. I still have tomorrow...

I will just close iron my clothes... and clear my mind...

Dear God,

In the last few years I got a few people, a few years younger than me. Some of them really close to me for some time, most of them play some music instrument, some of their ages are as little as half of my age. Some are so annoying. Well, that is my ministry, one of the things that I can do for them. On my side, I want to be an inspiration for them. When I was in their age, I really looking for someone to look at. Someone to follow. I knew the struggles, and I want to be there when they need me.

I always been saying that playing music, singing is only one of so many things that you can do for God. The most important is the heart to serve behind it. One of the happiest moment that I had with one of them, One of the kid said that he is moved to make changes in one of the service. His talk was not about playing music, but about the changes, the impact that he can make in the service. No one is standing up, and he said that he could make something to it. I jumped in joy hearing that.

Another thing that I got from today, one of the kids wrote a song. The first one for him. And, wow, thank God. I can say that was very nice for the first attempt. Got to fix here and there, I did not even ever talked about songwriting at all. Well done, dude. Let’s make more Songs!...

Thank God!